time to get more serious about getting into top physical shape and learning how to use a gun. i will NOT be turning into a zombie. no thanks!! ;)

I just want him to care for me as much as I care for him. that’s never gonna happen though. :’(

I feel like I’m not lovable or I’m flawed in some way. when you’ve gone through shitty relationships like I have you start to think maybe there’s something wrong with YOU…and maybe there is. James made me a psycho fucking bitch and I feel like I’m just going to run every relationship I have into the ground…but let’s look at both sides here….James used to break up with me whenever he wanted to mess around with someone or just not break up and just not answer my calls or texts for two days. I guess that entitles me to be a psycho fucking bitch. I tried my hardest not to be that way with Matt, but one night (he says we weren’t talking but we were sleeping in the same bed still and still doing couple shit) he receives a text from gabby. I become a psycho fucking bitch and go through his phone…talking to multiple girls telling a few how much he liked them and how perfect that were. he has NEVER, not one said that shit to me…. maaaaaaaaaaaajor self esteem booster right? BUT IM THE ONE WITH THE FUCKING PROBLEM BECAUSE I HAVE NO FUCKING TRUST IN GUYS BUT IN FUCKING REALITY THE TWO GUYS I’VE CARE FOR MORE THAN ANYTHING IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING EXISTENCE HURT ME THE WORST.

fuck that noise holy fucking shit it feels good to get that out. I’m so fucking tired of being so fucking sad all the fucking time. fuck.

thanks tumblr for being such an awesome listener and putting up with my constant bitching about how sad I am.

also, to all of the girls that Matt talked to and you talked back, I saw every text, message, that cute little nude some slut sent him. I know who all of you are and let me just say you all are such CUNTS. please don’t ever be nice to my fucking face, have some class, and learn some respect. fuck all uh ya. stupid bitches.

never has anything my friends said affected the way I really thought about a situation until the talk I had with Megan this weekend.

why do I even bother when someone “doesn’t care” what I even have to say?
why do I even bother when I’m alway 2nd to whoever or whatever is going on?

it’s my fault that I don’t believe him but yet he was the one that lied not once, not twice, but three fucking times………..I don’t understand the logic in that at all. whatever.

smokeporch:

GIRLY BLOG!

(Source: 1directionfeeeva-x)

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

this shit.

out of my shitty fucking existence to be good. that’s all I ask for is just one mind blowingly super fantastic awesome day.

or a friend…just a friend that wouldn’t ditch me to go party or for some guy who doesn’t even like them…..just someone that will drop everything there doing just to come sit with me.
I don’t have any of those…..at all. 0.

:( I hate being such a fucking sad person.

my little lahve, laaaaaaahves bubbles! 😘😘😘 (Taken with instagram)

I just want to have a significant other that cares about me just as much as I care about them. :””(

it’s a daily battle to get matt to even talk to me….seriously TALK! he should’ve beaten his game by now, watched everything on Netflix, and have the cleanest house ever because those are his 3 main excuses. I’m getting soooo tired of putting all of my effort into this relationship or whatever the fuck it is. he doesn’t give a shit so whyyyyyy do I? still? time and time again. even after I say I give up and that I’m done. I STILL fucking try. :( my heart hurts.